‘Ick, ick!’ Big problem with Levine’s apology

Adam Levine’s apology for allegedly cheating on his pregnant wife is the perfect example of gaslighting. Yes, famous hot musicians can behave like soft boys from Tinder too. For the uninitiated, a soft boy is basically a f*ckboy without the cocky attitude.Levine is married to former Victoria’s Secret Model Behati Prinsloo. They’ve been together for over 10 years, have two children, and she’s currently pregnant with their third. They are considered an “it” couple. Both are hot, cool, and not afraid to show their love via Instagram. He often refers to her as “Queen”. However, Levine’s married life has erupted because model Sumner Stroh went on TikTok and claimed they had been having an affair for over a year, and she has the receipts. She supplied screenshots of Levine sliding into her DMs. Why can’t these men ever be original? He messages her stuff like, “It is totally unreal how fu#king hot you are!” and “You are 50 times hotter in person.” Followed by, “Okay serious question. I’m having another baby, and if it’s a boy, I really wanna name it Sumner. You okay with that? Dead serious.” It has been viewed over 21 million times. Besides the fact that he messages her like a hormonal 15-year-old boy, Levine’s DMs reveal he was cheating and those messages suggest he was even prepared to name his child after his former mistress. It’s hard to find words to describe that kind of betrayal but the phrase morally bankrupt comes to mind. Levine apologised within 24 hours via instagram and wrote: “A lot is being said about me right now, and I want to clear the air. I used poor judgment in speaking with anyone other than my wife in ANY kind of flirtatious manner. I did not have an affair. Nevertheless, I crossed the line during a regrettable period in my life.”The Maroon 5 singer continued: “In certain instances, it became inappropriate; I have addressed that and taken proactive steps to remedy this with my family. My wife and my family are all I care about in this world. To be this naive and stupid enough to risk the only thing that truly mattered to me was the greatest mistake I could ever make. I will never make it again. I take full responsibility. We will get through it. And we will get through it together.”So, what’s wrong with the apology? Well, I’ve dated long enough to understand why it gives me the ick. First, he downplays his actions with a half denial, “I did not have an affair!” Then he gives a mysterious context to paint himself as a victim “during a regrettable period of my life.” Then he finishes the apology with a love bomb, “risk the only thing that truly matters!” This is followed by Levine speaking on his wife’s behalf, “We will get through this together.” Ick, ick, ick! It is simply all wrong, and it lacks self-awareness. It reeks of a man feeling annoyed he got caught but not someone who truly understands the ‘how’ or ‘why’ behind his actions that are so clearly foul. Spoiler, if you are trying to justify your actions you probably haven’t learnt anything. This kind of apology isn’t rare in the dating world. I once had a man message me: “You couldn’t hate me more than I hate myself,” after I realised, he’d been cheating. Suddenly, he was the victim.And I’m not alone. A TikTok recently went viral where a girl said a guy blamed the fact he was adopted on the reason he cheated.These kinds of apologies are always designed to make the person being cheated on feel bad. They are cleverly crafted, so the person that did the wrong thing becomes the victim, and they always downplay their actions. In Levine’s case, he claims it wasn’t an “affair,” as if messaging women flirty DMs isn’t that bad. But there is a reality here, and there are no excuses. Levine decided to spend time during his wife’s third pregnancy to play away on the internet. It doesn’t matter if it was a physical affair or not, and it doesn’t matter if he was in a bad ‘space’. It was just wrong, wrong, wrong. None of this is new, but Levine’s apology is helpful in its way. Study it, learn from it. The next time a guy sends you this kind of self-serving apology, remind yourself to treat him with as much compassion and understanding as you treated Levine’s apology. Hopefully, that was zero.Mary Madigan is a freelance writer.

Originally published at www.news.com.au

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